my sister brit has been living with me since the beginning of this year. for those of you that dont know, we're 2 totally different people.... its like ... mario and luici ... like brad pitt and jackie chan ..... we have like zero common interest and our communication is bad, and we totally do not understand where each other is coming from. ive not been back to singapore at all this year, and shes already been back 4 times - which is fine. so i had to go pick her up at the airport. her flight was supposed to land at 530. so i was there at like 6am .... but she didnt come out til like 720. i only got to bed at like 230am. sleep is a luxury that i dont have these days. and then i have to spend an hour and a half at the freaking airport being chased by traffic police, waiting for a grumpy ungrateful girl to jump into the car so i can chauffeur her home.

shes been home for almost 12 hours now, and i already feel the tension. whats the problem man ... we got home, and she went to bed, and so did i. i woke up earlier to get lunch. when i got back she was still sleeping ... i was tired so i took a nap which btw i had a nightmare in which the car i was driving had broken breaks ..... wheni got up, she had gone out .... and its like we just keep missing each other. that is fine by me, but there is this ... tension between us .... which makes things very uncomfortable.... its just gona blow up in my face one day ... soon. the moment she found out that i wasnt gona join the family for christmas. apparently people dont have choices what they want to do for christmas anymore. anyway, im young and i will do what i want with my precious christmas breaks!!! she'll prb understand one day, but then again, 17 acting like a 12 year old, might take quite a while....

i am so looking forward to having my hearts content of krispy kreme and steaks in ny ......

i have not updated this site for more than a year now ... i think ... since then, i have gone thru so much, grown up so much, and know what i want (so much more than i did before). this is gona be a really long one ....

last december, i went thru a period of serious depression. i dont even know if i am able to talk about it openly now, but all i can say is that i have never been so low in my entire life. people around me look at me, and always think im just complaining for nothing because i have nothing to complain about because i seemingly have everything i want and all that, so i guess its difficult to open up to people about my problems, because no one takes me seriously. however, ive always prided myself in being able to take care of myself, that i'd always pick myself up after a fall (and i'd be careful not to fall too), that no one could get me down so bad that i thought ' whats the point of living?' which actuale is a whole other question. okay so i cant go into the details, but thru that very dark period in my life, i learnt who my true friends were. if there was anything i took away from that horrible experience, its the knowledge of knowing who would be there with me... for me ... when im in the lowest of lows. generally im a strong person, but hey, im human, and when i am down, i am REALLY down....

[btw mei if u reading this, i am SO envious of your xanga site.... i just dont have the time or artistic talent in me to have those funky photos and background and all that ...... i suck!!!]

so ... here i am going to openly declare my despise for a certain group of people out there ie the group of girls out there, that go after guys purely for their money ie SPGs. just looking for a 'rich catch' ? so that you can not work for the rest of your life yet live comfortably and shop at prada, gucci and escada? the thing is, most people of this group of people, you can tell... because all their exes are just loaded, pamper them with material things (i suppose they just want sex in return) .... they're quick to sleep with men tht fit their criteria hoping to tie them down .... they are possessive, they are bitchy, most of the time not very well educated, and coming from a family background that is on polar ends with their potential in laws ... last but not least, they are constantly on the look out for a 'better catch' ie they are prone to cheating on their bfs.

for guys out wondering if their current girlfriends fit the bill ... let me elaborate. my dad uses the term 'eagles'. they're like mainland chinese girls... they literally 'prey' on travelling business men ... they're like some air hostesses...fully aware of their very limited shelf life and inability to support themselves, yet devoid of integrity and dignity ... they are ALWAYS on the look out for 'good catches' such as expat guys ... under any circumstance, including even if the guy just broke up with a girl (in which case they'll just pretend to be the understanding listening-ear friend), they will just leech the guy dry, they will put up with anything until they gain their 'officiality' with his family... and then you start seeing their true colours. my my my .. have i seen my fair share of this when i was living in singapore, and i still hear about it now that ive moved away from that shit hole..... imagine eagles if you will that swoop down on their prey .... disgusting isnt it ... makes people like me that place such importance on deep relationships want to puke.

there are so many 'what ifs' in life .... and i guess when you stop thinking about the 'what ifs' you know u've found the right one. there is one person that i have thought of the 'what if scenario' ... theres something that i do wanna get off my chest ... and its going to a guy that i just wanna say ... things would have been different back then if not for my situation.... i may have come off mean, but i didnt know how else to handle it better...  its been many years and that phase has probably been put into like ... a chapter of my past life. but hey, who knows, might not even have worked out. at least at the end of the day, everyone can still be friends... and to all my friends out there ... i want the best for all of you because you deserve it!!!

ill try to update this more ..... i just ended up my 2 week break ... went up to sydney did some shopping .. stayed at the swissotel which i have been wanting to check out for a while. lemme just say ,better than the marriott, and wayyyyyy more centrally located. i was pleased that we checked out a japanese restaurant and many bottles of their sake .....

1641hrs, im procrastinating. i havent been running since wednesday. oh no, it was thursday. and i feel like a pig. dont call me anorexic yet. listen to the amt of food we've been eating. obviously ive been busy .. too busy eating n having fun to update this. okay so erm ... here goes:

friday .. we went clubbing at night.... honkYtonks. they play reali good house music. but we had so much to drink ... the bartenders wouldnt serve us anymore ... none of us. he says we 'drank too much too fast' wth right. we had like 18 tequila shots, 6 apple shooters, 3 lychee martinis ... not that bad is it??

saturday .... vicmart ... met up with robs and carmen there.. shes quite nice hehe .. i didnt look toooo tired ... but the stores were closing, and i just needed to grab some pork bones, chicken bones, squid, chicken thigh, prawns, veg, fruits, beef perhaps? it sounds like alot? yes, we had steamboat n korean bbq at home ... watched chocolat the movie.. and all had a craving for italian hot chocolate .. but it was too bloody late like 1am in the morning for any lazy ass australian cafes to be open serving italian hot chocolate. sooooooo we went to crown, hung out .. settled for marshmallows n coffee .... strawberry martini .... a game of bowling ... daytona, neoprint taking, and air hockey!! am i ashamed to say shu and i tried out ddr2nd mix? =p we got back and i was just sitting there on the couch while shu went to crash ... talking to ernie until 730 in the morning. i din bother to change out of my new bebe sweater ... crashed.

i did leave a msg for robs on his icq to ask him to come over later .. but he didnt see it. so my ass was dragged out of bed at 12noon to go get some prata and french loaf for the curry chicken we were planning to make for lunch. that turned out pretty well except never again am i going to use that cast iron wok to make curry chicken. remember jess, always the stock pot. the taste was pERFecTO ... speaking of that, i had some of that for lunch today.

not too late for some hot chocolate was it? hehe we went to brunettis in the cold ... + wind chill ... got some of the hot chocolate we've all been craving for .... it was heavenly. robs and i had ours without whipped cream, shu n ernie had with. all was good hehe. fattening? ill check later hahahaha then we went to charletons (or however its spelt) played 2 games of pool... tag team was rob,ernie vs shu,jess. we wont both rounds. foosball however wasnt so fortunate.... but!! i won ernie in daytona... and while playing the naked chick version of photo hunt.... we had to go home! hehe. duno why but i got hungry again. so .. more curry chicken hehehe ....

we note, there are no more sweet drinks at home. so we made homemade ice lemon tea with lotsa sugar. but later we'll have to go supermarket to get more drinks at home. and im meant to go gymming but erm . ..... *excuses excuses*

im a pig. officially. i slept for 12 hours last night. my first gd nites rest in a few days. i tried to go running today .... went to the gym to realise that my membership had been cancelled. my membership is on a direct debit basis, and i didnt cancel it... so i was pretty puzzled. in feb, my credit card had 2 identical charges. so i disputed it with city bank. apparently, the general manager of the gym, name: Peter.... a totally gay asshole. he looks like carrie's gay friend in sex in the city wats his face erm ... stanley or something ... he says that he cancelled my membership because instead of going to him abt the charges, i went to the bank to query. wth. oversensitive.

tried to get on the cross trainer. note: tried. my muscles were frozen stiff. no way i could run for 30 mins. i ended up being this out-of-breath loser taking sips of water every 10 minutes. argh. and then the great itch came back. but im cosy n warm in sweats at home now .. hehe ... all's well ... gona cook dinner and then its ktvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv edwin's cousin's idea.  anyone wanna buy tickets to watch us sing? hahaha

so after the drama morning yesterday which seemed like an entire day to me, i came home, and slept and slept ... supposed to meet up with shu at 4 in the city, but she got held up in school, so postponed to 5 .. which worked out well for me because i needed to choose wat to wear =p but the rainy weather dampened my spirits a bit ... got coffee .. stunned the mugs again ... camera avoidance totally rockin man ...

we had a great dinner of chilli crab (again) and roasted duck at pacific house ... robs drove so that was convenient... to end the perfect night, to balance out the shit morning, we rented the dvds: orange county, enigma, and chocolat to watch at robs place ... had hot coffee while watching .. wat more could we ask for? shu had school the next morning at 930, so we didnt stay past 3 ... robs drove us home and at 668 swanston st we resided. guess all works out well ...